In the course of talking to a new friend on Twitter, after learning that to her nothing is no more interesting than the universe, I proposed a question, prefaced by a brief explanation: “If you can imagine the behavior of time as going forward, and reverse that and imagine time going backwards, how do you imagine time would behave going sideways?”

Questions open doors, doors to new worlds strange and wonderful. Even the most ridiculous, with the most far-fetched of answers.

For anyone well-versed in general relativity, this is (admittedly) a trick question following a conceit about the behavior of linear time, as it implies absolute position and absolute lines in the Euclidean sense, which is abandoned in the general theory of relativity’s solution to the behavior of large scale phenomena and gravity. The trick is admitted and the conceit granted, then, how would time behave in such a manner recognizable by us as sideways? The question is more intended to provoke the imagination than the logical faculties; nevertheless, there is a relativistic answer, which stems from a popular and modern postulate in quantum mechanics. I have asked a friend, equally up to the charge, for his thoughts on this same subject. I will update this page when (if) he has the time to propose a solution. The following solution is my own attempt to explain it in the quickest way possible. Again, I will update this with another possible solution if my friend takes the time to humor me.

In M-Theory, the multi-worlds theory, the answer to the question of simultaneous location of subatomic particles is answered by the particles existence being spread among varying universes all parallel. In these universes, each possibility is worked out to the rate of probability dictated by behavior of gravity as gravity measures the behavior and function of time. If our universe shows the possibilities of the quantum question then there are universes in which all questions are answered and all things played out; therefore, along a point in all “dimensions” a universe beside this one is lined up, each with time moving slightly left of what we call forward. In this scenario, time is always considered forward by anything experiencing it, and if time were to go sideways, it would do so sideways relative to the position along the axis it falls at in concert to our point; to this universe, our path through time is sideways, all behavior in this manner follows gravitational law, relativity: if M-Theory postulate is true then parallel at 90 degrees to the point defined by our place, the parallel at 90 behaves as a function of all movement.

3-Dimensional movement is not possible in parallels at 90 degrees from the observational perspective, and to imagine it would be to put a projection of a side-scrolling video game, an older model, and give it more definition and better resolution among a well around it to represent parallel 90, and that gives an indication of it from the observational perspective; from the experience perspective it is relative to position, and to one among universes if M-Theory postulate is correct, there is another at parallel 90 without depth in observation. The difference is in observation and experience: in experience it would not be known to go in any unnatural direction, as unnatural as time is to all who think, and is only odd through conjecture and hypotheses.

Imagine then if all things in front of you became flat, and all things above you became more manageable. Your movement is impeded by barriers above you and beside you. This is how to experience what is only observational, and it is no different than the assumptions of behavior in a world of only 2-dimensions. The reason this question and questions like this are interesting is because, though we live in 3-Dimensional space, time being the 4th, the latest and most widely credited theories all accept the existence of at least 5, 6, 10, or 11 dimensions, branes and so forth. Perhaps these pockets are unbalanced infinites which arise and cancel each other out as virtual particles in a vacuum, as Feynmann thought, or free from restriction imposed by dimension and defined points as Pauli thought. Or if it’s a lot of math that takes too much time to understand relative to the enjoyment understanding it brings. There is the sum-over-histories approach to calculating quantum infinity, and the sum-over-all sums; but I think, and this gives me hope (and lets me sleep) to imagine Mario turned sideways, into only a yellow slit of light, moving without reason from one direction to another indefinitely, limited as we are to turn around.

If we imagine the behavior in a world defined by different laws of physics relative to movement by reduction, it allows us to try to imagine the possibilities of movement if there is movement granted by the addition of other dimensions, and it leaves us with a more interesting than the matter of behavior in time at different parallels: the question becomes, what can we imagine possible through the granting of another dimension, a dimension that opens possibilities anew as the addition of another dimension to such a Mario World? I’ll leave it to you. Because I have no fucking idea.

You may (rightfully) be asking: does this shit matter to anyone except [insert type of people here]? It might, someday, when a group of television writers and producers get together and say, “What if we do a show focused on solving relativistic field equations with quantum mechanics? With supermodels?”

“Genius! It could be a prequel to the Big Bang Theory, and take place before the Bang. It’d just be infinite darkness…”

“*Sexy *infinite darkness!”

“Eh, still better than the Big Bang Theory.”

Shut up and take my money!