Now Buy This

Bored? Why not rush off and buy something?
Buy this product. This is why it’s better. This is what you believe and this is what those who believe what you believe pay for. Swallow the advertising turd and purchase some of our Advertising Turd Taste Remover. It comes with a glow in the dark iPhone. Swallow the advertising turd.
This product is new. It’s hip; it has new, hipper, sexier people carrying on about it in movies and on television. Isn’t that who you are, just like those famous people on television? Then you must have the same thing those fancy shitheads have. The product is new, hip, and has sexy people carrying it around in movies. Ho could you resist? This is the ultra modern, high speed, bigger, smarter, faster pile of shit. This is what the people wear on the Soap Opera. This is what people who are somebody’s have. This is what you believe. Swallow the advertising turd and become part of the advertisement. It’s not a social revolution or a lifestyle; it’s a product, and it’s better than Jesus Christ. It can check your email, your Myspace, the stock market, and give you access to every piece of truth ever written. It’s a Macintosh. It’s another flavor of the same turd that Windows tastes like. It doesn’t define you as a person because of your god damn choice in PC’s. Does it make one feel special to be categorized alongside the rest of the advertising bots that just repeat commercials? Holy shit, I’m bored with this post! Let’s see who added me to their Myspace. I could check my myspace on my Mac and Myspace is more important than God himself. Maybe I should swallow the turd as well so I’d have a reason to be so pissed off at watching people recite commercials or talk about the shit they own as though it’s them. If you’re not better than your fucking cellphone, you should probably hang yourself. If your company isn’t good enough to make you stop checking your text messages, you should probably go to work for Verizon. Did you know that working their will give you special access to text and pic messaging plans? Shit, and, work 7 days a week, and you can text all day for free.

Do people talk to each other anymore or do cellphones and computers talk to each other? What is it that’s so fucking boring about being a human that makes people gather piles of bullshit as testament or representatives of their character when they’re not revealing anything but what they hide? Look at this BIG GUITAR! Look how fast I play. Look how smart I am. Look at how sexy I am in all the myspace pics. I guess that might distinguish me as an individual. Holy hell! Has the rant about the advertising turd turned into one? Let’s hope so. This is truth. Truth = this means that.

Published by

Brandon K. Nobles

Brandon is an author, poet and head writer for Sir Swag on YouTube. With 630k subscribers. Since February 2021 he has written for the most important and popular series, News Without the Bulls%!t and the least popular work on the channel, History Abridged. Brandon joined the channel in late January, since then his work has been featured every month in News and History. His novels and works of fiction have also been well received, and he continues to be a proficient and professional chess player. In his spare time he like to catch up on work.

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